So I will start off where I left off back in July. I had joined a team Elite Heat ,as I knew this was what I needed to get me to my goals. I needed the extra accountability, I needed a few diet tweaks, a different approach on my training, and most importantly I needed to practice and work on my stage presence! I also knew that all of this would require some extra help and patience from( mainly) my husband. I questioned if he would in fact understand what exactly this meant- as he himself doesn't share the same goals and aspirations, making this even more of a challenge for me. At that moment my plan was to take each day as they were.
A few days after my last post we left as a family, for a two and half long week vacation.. A two day drive to South Carolina and my six pack in tow.... I was prepared as ever to be on vacation and yes to maintain my diet of eating clean and training hard. I was able to find a gym close by so I could continue my training. I woke up every morning early, got my workouts in as was back in time for a 7 am walk on the beach with my husband while most of the kids slept. Thank goodness I'm a bit of a planner. Each morning on vacation and even leading up to when we left my training got intense. By intense I mean, I sort of trained every day without the necessary rest in between just so it would work into my vacation travel schedule. Sheer determination and will pushed me each and every day. So much so that while on vacation, I sort of knowingly, (yet un-knowingly) ended up over-training, therefore injuring myself!!!! I now had a medium size tear in my elbow. Ouch, oh my f****in pain!!!! As soon as I returned home, I had an MRI to prove that my injury was in fact pretty bad. I explained to my doctor my circumstance and the goals I had set out for myself. The option of quitting was not an option. I had to make adjustments within my training. Each day I worked through the pain- making safe and adequate changes in order to not cause further damage. I struggled with my thoughts. during this time. Would I be able to achieve the look I was going for? Would I build enough muscle? Although I struggled with those thoughts I somehow knew deep down that I could do this. My body wasn't what I needed to work on as much as I so needed to work on my stage presence!
A few weeks upon returning home from vacation- this was were my real challenges would now come into play. Now it was time for me to head into NY City for one hour posing sessions that began at 6pm. Yup- RUSH-HOUR!!!!!! Now I live 45 min away and that's without traffic. That meant my husband needed to come home from work early, deal with dinner, my four kids and the crazy after school madness. I took each week in stride the best way I could. This was beginning of the stress that was put both on myself (mostly from traffic )and my husband who isn't used to managing the craziness that I've become accustomed too. His struggles left me feeling even more stressed and filled me with anxiety, self doubt and guilt! At this point I had a commitment to myself and to my team. I had to continue. I did my best to help ease the extra craziness at home by explaining my situation to the kids. This seemed to help a bit.
Well my point in all this, is that there are a lot of little details that come with competing. So many- that unless your walking in the same shoes, it can be really hard for the average person to understand. I'm the kind of person that learns by doing. I needed to be self sufficient in order to save money. Which for those that aren't sure, all these little details add up quickly. The suits start in the $200 price range and go into the thousands. I was lucky enough to find a woman at my gym that would end sewing suit from left over fabric from my dear friend and fellow team mate. I purchased my own stones to crystallize it myself. I researched until I found a pattern ,that not only appealed to me, but that I could easily re-create. It came out beautiful and fit me like a glove. So, that was my first way in saving. I also learned how to apply my own make up and knew enough to get free samples from Sephora. My husband applied my tan= another saving. In the past I did my own hair, but this time I decided to have a good friend help as I was trying to soften my look. Which intern ended up being another small cost.
Months of posing finally paid off and gave me the confidence I had been struggling with. After all, I was chasing that feeling. That feeling of accomplishment. I wanted to walk away from this show knowing that I had done all that I set out to do!
My show came and went... It was 4 days ago. The day in itself was amazing. In true organized fashion and totally typical of me, I arrived 2 hours early. I know it sounds crazy- but I did it for a few reasons, parking was one of them,( yup I managed to get a spot immediately outside the venue). Again saving more money (no parking fees or tickets) My second reason was so I could be in my element of calmness and free of stress. I didn't want to rush, I didn't want to have anyone waiting for me. I wanted to get ready and be ready to help others, my team mates, my friends, and now I'm happy to call each one of them- members of my fit family. There's nothing better than being surrounded by so many that get it! After all we all sort of planned and prepped in similar ways. It's not easy! If it were more people would do it. Which brings me to the point of just why I enjoy doing this. And that point is... To help inspire others, to guide them, to show them how they can feel better about themselves. To teach them of my experiences.
Lastly bringing me to post show recovery! The show itself- like I stated earlier was great! The attendance was very low in terms of competitors. I'm not even sure what the audience was like? All I know, that besides only having my husband there to cheer me on, I now had fellow teammates there as well, and boy did that feel amazing!!!!!! I was successful in my delivery as far as stage presence went. I was smooth, smiley, and most of all comfortable. I was proud of my performance and proud of my body as well. There were only 5 competitors in my category. When it came time for trophies, I felt confident that I would do well. Well, wouldn't you know it... I came in 5th? Great, yet still last? My mind was filled with confusion, and somewhat disappointed? I'm not gonna lie. What made me feel even worse, is that I felt sad and that I somehow had let my husband down. After all, he made some sacrifices of his own and the long 16 week prep wasn't easy on him. Oh well, I guess this just wasn't my year to win? As it would be both shows I've done this year, I came in last! This was however, my year to learn, to grow, and to get a better understanding of myself and exactly what I'm capable off. I meet new life long friends, we shared lots of laughs and frustrations together, making this whole experience worth it!
So, it's time to end the disappointment, and confusion, and move forward. Always remembering- how great I feel when I'm working towards a new goal. It's time to set new goals and start the process all over again. Although, I can't say that process will be to train for another show just yet. I have other related goals in mind. I need to heal my elbow first. If you believe you can than you will! Keep that mind strong and continue to do what makes you feel good inside...
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